Ever feel that no matter how much you pray about something your human nature takes over before the prayer is over? I have been struggling with contentment, or the lack of it, for some time now. Last year at our ladies bible study we did a whole study on it. I did great for a while but I always seem to falter in this area.
My biggest struggle of discontent is our home. I'm grateful that we have a home. I love the location, but a family of 5 living in a house with less than 1000 sq ft is tight. Why can't I just be content with what God has provided??? I love to have people over to our home but we have no room for entertaining....discontent....so I shy away from inviting people over. We had to remodel the basement so the kids could have bedrooms, I want "real" rooms for them...discontent...I do not let the kids have friends over because of that. Adding on to our house isn't an option unless we won the lottery...which we do not play! We can't sell because there is so much work that needs to be done on the house. I also feel so much guilt over this because my husband works hard to provide for our needs and does a great job at it. This is just eating away at me. I do not feel I can be completely honest and open about this with him for fear of hurting him.
Being discontent with things also leads to envy. We go over to people homes and there is so much room. They have nice homes where they are comfortable having people over. I've been reading many Proverbs and trying to work through this. I'm posting this as help for myself to get it out.
Proverbs 15:16-17 says "Better is a little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble with it. Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a fattened ox and hatred with it."
If only I could accept this. Just last night our daughter made a comment to someone at church that she is excited her Dad is getting a new house so she could finally have a bedroom with a door. It was like a stab in the heart. She would rather live with someone who is unsaved and had been abusive in the past than to live here. I have spoken to her about it and told her how it make me feel. Is there a way to be content with who I am? Where I came from? Mistakes I've made? Why do I struggle so much with this?
Hopefully soon I'll be able to say this:
Philippians 4:11-13 "Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me."
Thank you for listening.